"Sorry for the beating of my heart"

"I'm no mother
But I've done a lot
To prove to those I love that they are good enough"
-Fenne Lily, "Car Park"

There are, from the very first line, so many brilliant bits in this song, but the above sentiment strikes me to particular depth, for while I can't currently make the same claim in my own relationships, it's become a goal to be able to.

Key to that remains turning the poisonous, razor edged sword of my disappointment into a plowshare of grace and encouragement.

Becoming Real

stop petting it
please
giving kind words
adoration
make it no more real
than it already is

velveteen monster growls


Don't remember what sparked in me the thought of a dark counterpart to the Velveteen Rabbit. It seems fairly obvious on its face, the way I coddle my anxieties and fears, and how that attention makes them ever more real.

I'm sure a quick Google will show this isn't an original leap, but at some point it would be fun to flesh out anyways.

Until Next Year

Texas Shakespeare Festival performances are orders of magnitude above any of the other venues I've attended, but I'm not sure exactly why.

It has little to do with the physical space. The Van Cliburn Auditorium at Kilgore College is nice enough, but The Shreveport Little Theatre is much nicer.

It's not the sets. They did have beautiful sets this year, but Beauty and Beast's rotating castle was an amazing piece of stage work, and I've no doubt if TSF had performed Love's Labours Lost on a bare stage, it would've still been the highlight of my year.

Obviously the actors and actresses are a huge part, but I don't think it's the quality of the individuals so much as the quality of the troupe overall. That's what stood out so much at BPCC's performance of Rumors. When everyone on stage is performing to a high level, it profoundly lifts the whole experience. Conversely, if you've got one or two actors doing outstanding work but also a few of noticeably less skill, it keeps the experience as a whole from enveloping the audience in that suspension of disbelief which swallows all attention and presence. Don't get me wrong, I've loved almost all the shows, and don't require profundity to find enjoyment, but when it happens, MMMMM!

Also obvious is source material. If the story is not interesting or well told by the author, the performance of it will bound and weighted by those original failures. Of the plays I haven't enjoyed to the fullest, most of the issues can be easily traced back to confusing or uninteresting source material. By it's nature TSF is choosing to work with older, well known stories of particularly high quality.

Finally, there's direction. Like sound and lighting, this is a realm to which I don't think I've given enough respect. As I try to find the difference between what happens on stage during TSF performances compared to others' I've enjoyed recently, there is a heightened feeling of precision and intentionality. A sense of holistic narration, where each action or word, each individual performance, however beautiful in itself, is a piece of a larger story enhanced by the piece fitting perfectly with it's mates. Referring again to Love's Labours Lost, there was a distinct sense of Matthew Simpson's careful hands sculpting each part of the experience, the costumes and performances, the set and songs, purposefully into a delightful whole.

Bring Me Songs

Lewis Capaldi's vocal styles, particularly in the song Tough, remind me somehow of the best parts of [George Ezra]'s basso-cant in a way I very much like. The song itself is a bit simple and self pitying, but it'll do. (Lost On You, while still being hang dog, brings a more satisfyingly complex story with it.)

Richard Walters, on the other hand, with his high, clear voice, quietly brings a story just two verses long in This Fire which I'm still trying to unpack.

Autonomy Won't Require AI

The virus was designed by the hacking group Laughing Panda, an offshoot of the old Russian Fancy Bear collective. It was modeled on a handful of ideas: new advances in machine learning involving a smaller code base and a smaller sample size of training data, programatic code switching, a newly discovered exploit in Adobe’s Virtual VR Studio program which allowed code to draw from cloud caches as needed, but could be fooled by a subset of SSH certificates issued by one of the providers, and a recent attack . . .

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Surprises

With all the shows I've been to this last season it's interesting how some of the most impressive were ones I almost passed over for lack of interest.

Matt the Electrician
Based out of Austin and completely looking the part, this gentleman was brought in to perform at a fundraiser for the LMFA. He has plenty of music available on AppleMusic, so I was able to listen before committing to anything, and while the music wasn't bad, it didn't grab me at all. Pretty standard modern folk music, which mostly blended together after a while, with no particular song jumping out. Honestly, had anything else been going on that Friday I would've done it instead, but my regular venues were all lying fallow, and LMFA had just installed the Lee Cunningham exhibit, so I figured I'd use the opportunity to grab a sneak preview before the actual opening the following week. I also figured I'd leave at the break.

I'm so glad I went, and at the break I was buying t-shirts and telling Mr. Electrician how much I was enjoying his work with not a single thought of leaving.

The key word which came to mind at the time (and still springs up when I think back on it) was delightful. His stories were whimsical and witty, and as he played and sang he would pop up and down on his toes, his body spasming in time to his strumming in a childlike cross between dancing and seizing, and the whole experience was joyful and truly delightful.

Rumors at Bossier Parish Community College
I had been to see the first performance of this year's theater class at BPCC some months earlier. A musical called 'Working' based on Studs Terkel's book of the same name. Rather than a single narrative, it was a series of vignettes looking at the lives of people defining themselves through the way they made their living. It was the first place I noticed Mikah Thomas, who quickly impressed me with his skill and the passion with which he threw himself into his performance, but it was a large cast and their first performance of the year, and it was not merely uneven, but weighted towards the dull.

I skipped their performance of 'Hansel and Gretel' as it conflicted with other shows I wanted to see, but when the time for Rumors rolled around, the other venues were once again on break. I think I almost chose to see a movie instead, but at the last minute figured I'd give them another shot.

Mikah Thomas was back and in a staring role, which gave me well founded hope, but the thing which most surprised me, was how well the entire cast did as an ensemble. Outside of the Texas Shakespeare Festival I've yet to see a group of any age or experience do such a professional job as a whole.

The play itself was goofy comedy typical of Neil Simon, and the story wasn't particularly interesting, but the aplomb and professionalism these young people brought to the stage that night made the experience a surprise pleasure.

The radio play of It's a Wonderful Life by the Texas Shakespeare Festival
On one hand, it's a bit disingenuous to be surprised by the quality anything these folks do, on the other I'd never been to a performance of a radio play which on it's face did not sound terribly exciting. This was also one of the earliest things I cajoled my mother to attend with me and her response to it was worth the experience in and of itself.

The space for the performance was tiny and done up as the set for a 1920's radio station, with old timey standing mics placed mostly at the perimeter of the performing area, different bits of flotsam and jetsam scattered about.

The performers came out slowly, one by one in character as 1920's radio actors, introduced themselves to us, the 'live studio audience', and performed a few Christmas songs in that guise. Once they were all assembled they started the play, taking on the various roles in the story.

They're was a constant flow as they moved from mic to mic, changing voices and characters as required, retrieving different bits of the scattered detritus to use as ingenious sound effect devices. The performances were breathtakingly perfect, and the dynamism of the performances completely belied my expectations of it being a 'radio play'.

When Micah Goodding did a dialog between the characters Uncle Billy and Mr. Potter, shifting seamlessly between both as though he were in fact two different people, I was enthralled. I was already a bit of a Goodding fan boy, but that performance cemented him at the top of my list of local favorites.

During 'intermission' the actors took turns performing hilarious time period style radio ads, which was icing on the cake of an incredible evening.

Best part: being with family on the drive home and sharing all the ways we were awed and wondered.