Looking For Balance

UPDATE - 6/20/20
It 's recently been reported how Warren Ellis has for some time been [using his status to predate on vulnerable women] (http://www.multiversitycomics.com/news/warren-ellis-allegations/). This is an upsetting revelation and my heart breaks for his victims. As such, I'm removing most of the external links in this particular post and explicitly remove any encouragement to engage with his works. Dealing with the public works of artists separate from aspects of their personal lives is a complicated endeavor, but this is how I feel most comfortable dealing with this particular artist at this current moment.

"I don't give up. But I don't give up myself, either. So I won't be number one. But I'll still be me. You have to be okay with that trade. And you have to be okay with looking in the mirror and still seeing a recognisable version of yourself. And if you smile, then the smile has to be real, whether it's rueful or not -- not brave, desperate or terrified.

Still winging it. Still fine with the ride." - Warren Ellis

News letter: Orbital Operations

Curated playlists: Spektrmodule

The tone, velocity, and emotion of Ellis' writing often reminds me of Harlan Ellison and Hunter Thompson: kinetic, aggressive, imperative. Thankfully he doesn't have their misogyny.

Ellis seems to do a lot more research than the latter two, and is able to incorporate more real world bits into his work, whether that's the alt-culture in Crooked Little Vein, the history in Gun Machine or the speculative science which shows up in much of his work, Global Frequency being a great example.

The research creates a more grounded feel than Ellison's rawly speculative fiction, and a wider range than Thompson's largely psychoactive/political subject matter, making for a more enjoyable oeuvre.

"Even Angels Fall For Demons"

So, a fourth week working from the office-disguised-as-ghost-town.

My anxiety levels have continued to drop as all our prep work continues to play out better than expected, and patients show an unexpected willingness to work with pandemic induced constraints. Well, most of them.

My daily work regimen has been a little strange, but I'm hoping and planning for it to enter into a warm, dark mode sea of coding this week, where I can drown for days on end.

Today's soundtrack is 5 songs on repeat:

I really enjoy [Ryan McMullan]'s voice, and his new EP is a joy:

A dance invoking tune by [X Ambassadors]:

Just Us Chickens

Computer desktop's littered with files: protocols, sign templates, phone scripts, meeting notes, financial spreadsheets, COVID-19 web clippings, desperate digital brainstorming sessions. Three weeks worth of figuring out how to keep patients and staff safe and the business from going under.

Everything I'd intended with my Year of Consolidation is out the window. We're now a world of mice, our schemes gang darkly agley. Even so, I have been consolidating at a record pace, just not the way I'd hoped.

Today's the first day at the office with just my wife and I. We set up two of the office staff to work from home last week and finished setting up the third yesterday. Doc's set up in a patient room doing remote telemedicine visits and working through digital messages and refills, and I'm here in my office taking a breather before cleaning up the great mess I've made before I figure out the next step to keeping the spice flowing. (You know, I do feel a bit like a Guild Navigator wannabe, trying vainly to bend space and time to my mutated will.)

We started taking our visits remote three weeks ago and locked up the office completely last Monday. Our patient population is largely older and immunocompromised, and the idea of us becoming a vector leading to any of there deaths was unthinkable. Quickly running out of protective gear and being unable to restock sealed the decision.

We are making concessions for patients whose treatment requires injections which can't be missed or delayed, and are trying to figure out lab draws for patients whose health requires close monitoring, but we've done our best to make sure those circumstances are both rare and as safe as possible for the patients and staff. I know I'm not ultimately responsible for the safety and wellbeing of patients and employees, but because I do have a slight measure of influence and responsibility for an area of intersection, it can be hard to keep my anxiety from spinning up to something far out-sizing the truth of my control.

Shreveport Opera cancelled their production of "The Marriage of Figaro" a few weeks ago, and earlier this week Texas Shakespeare Festival announced they were cancelling their summer productions. I'm strikingly disappointed, but doing anything else at this point would be irresponsible, in my opinion. That these things are my biggest losses so far in this thing is an incredible blessing.

Need Some Room To Breath

Most of my days have become consumed by trying to manage the various levels of our prep and response to COVID-19. Creating and adjusting policies for protecting the patients and staff as best I can, figuring out how to effectivley provide telehealth services, and also how to keep us afloat as a business until this all plays out.

Between that and the little urgencies which regularly crop up I'm struggling to handle a constant state of anxiety.